Why You Should Take Yourself on Solo Dates

For Grandma Edith.

One of the many pieces of advice given to me by my Grandma Edith: if you’re ever having a tough time, take yourself to the movies. Any day that she felt life was simply weighing heavier, my Grandma would choose the best movie playing in theatres at the time, and take herself to see a film. The reason I share this now is that I find there is something so empowering about being able to pick yourself up and do something you love to do, all on your own. Edith swore she always felt better walking out than she did walking in, and she was right.

At one point during my final year of university, I had been experiencing the pressures of graduation and starting a new chapter after my degree and decided to put my Grandma's advice into practice. I was in Montreal at the time, so I walked to my very favorite salad place (Mandy’s Salads, I can’t recommend it enough & it’s run by two inspiring female entrepreneurs). I proceeded to order my favorite salad & a chocolate chip cookie for dessert, & snuck it into the theatre in my purse. I decided to see the new Top Gun movie, and it turned out to be a Tuesday so my ticket was half-price. I had the best time. Not only did I leave feeling like a weight was lifted, but I felt proud of having done something for myself and myself only. That day, I gave myself grace for everything happening in outside life, took a break, and did something for me. I learned that simple acts like this can sometimes be one of the highest forms of self-respect you can show.

So, with that being said, let’s talk about why taking yourself on a solo date can be one of the best things you can do for yourself and why we should be doing it more often.

Defining a Solo Date

A solo date is absolutely anything you want it to be: taking yourself to the movie theatre, attending a new dance class, going for dinner, getting a seat at the bar, going to the aquarium, touring a landmark, visiting the spa, reading a book in the park, skating at an outdoor rink, tanning at the beach or pool, anything. As long as you're spending quality time with yourself and you're doing it for you.

Facing the Fear of Judgement

All of the above options may sound perfect on paper, but when there are other people around and you find yourself alone, it can be easier said than done. So, let’s break down some of these hesitations so you can enjoy a solo date with comfort and ease. It’s normal for fear to accompany doing something all on your own: what if you run into someone you know? What if the group behind you is giving you judgemental looks? If these thoughts start to creep in, I encourage you to remember this: whoever minds doesn’t matter, and whoever matters, won’t mind. Personally, I think it's absolutely baller to attend a movie all on your own without needing anyone else to take you. It embodies independence and confidence. So, if anyone thinks otherwise, do you really care about their opinion anyways? In addition to this, something that helps me to remember if I'm ever caught up in what other people might think is that oftentimes, everyone is so focused on themselves that they'll be too busy to notice what you're up to, let alone take the time to form a judgment. You've got this. Do you.

Building Independence Through Self-Efficacy & Autonomy

The solo date is the perfect opportunity to build independence by strengthening your self-efficacy and autonomy. Self-efficacy is your confidence in your ability to carry out tasks. There are four main sources of self-efficacy, one being your past experiences. This means that the more successes you've had completing tasks on your own, the more likely you are to do it again because you enter it with a sense of confidence knowing you've done it before. The solo date is an opportunity to spend quality time doing something you love without needing anyone else company for comfort. This can be challenging at first, but given what we know about self-efficacy, it will only get easier over time. This translates into much more than just going to see a movie; the next time you are challenged to make it through a tough or demanding situation on your own, you have personal wins to look back on and carry you through. Related to this, is the concept of autonomy, signifying your quality or state of self-governing. Your ability to make decisions and choices for yourself. In a 2020 quantitative study conducted by De-Juanaas et al. on the relationship between psychological well-being and autonomy in young people, it was found that among other dimensions of psychological wellness, autonomy obtained the highest correlation with happiness and life satisfaction. Going on a solo date when you may be feeling down is the perfect tangible way to demonstrate to yourself your autonomy and ability to make positive decisions for yourself. Just as building self-efficacy through past successes translates to other areas, building autonomy through solo dates can also make it easier to navigate future decisions, and to practice self-governing with more ease and confidence.

You don't have to be spending all of your time on your own. All I suggest is that when you have a few hours free or you have a night that's open, or if you've had a bad day or week and are in need of some self-love, book yourself. Take the time to do something you'd love to do, all on your own. I hope this inspires you to take yourself on a solo date sometime soon; you are always deserving of self-love and respect. Be there for yourself.

Xo, Mads